Free initial consultation Free Initial Consultation
Call 806-535-1535 (Lubbock)
No Cost or Obligation
"Mediation (Alternative Dispute Resolution) looks to the future to find a solution to the problems, not to the past to place blame."
You need an impartial guide to help you stop the chaos of a legal dispute. The Mediation process will guide the parties involved in disputes, to come to an understanding of the issues, and reach an agreement that is acceptable to all parties. This can even be accomplished without the parties involved ever meeting face to face.
Court settled disputes:
Mediated agreements assist in:
Businesses Mediations can effectively resolve disputes with customers, suppliers, other businesses, and between management or other employees, because an hour or two of mediation is more cost effective than contentious court proceedings.
A Good Reason to use Mediation
One large study found that 61 percent of plaintiffs received less in litigation/arbitration than the last offer that they had rejected in mediation. At the same time 24 percent of defendants paid more after litigation/arbitration than for what they could have settled in mediation. While plaintiffs erred more frequently, the defendants who erred in their predictions erred more dramatically, with the cost of their errors greater by a factor of 10 compared to the plaintiff’s errors. Hard lines often served neither the plaintiffs’ nor defendants’ interests (Note: error ratios varied depending on types of cases). See "Let’s Not Make a Deal: An Empirical Study of Decision Making in Unsuccessful Settlement Negotiations," Kiser, Ashen, McShane, Journal of Empirical Legal Studies, Volume 5, Issue 3, 551-591, September 2008
Confidentiality:
All information is confidential and will not be shared with the other party without permission. Mediators cannot be called to testify in court about anything said in the mediation with the exception of child and/or elder abuse and murder; those things must be reported. There are also some other special exceptions in federal courts.
FAQ
What if I don't want a divorce? This question is a big one and deserves some serious discussion. Please go to the bottom of FAQ.
Unpaid Child Support issues? The Office of the Texas Attorney General has information about programs to help with these issues. Please use the button to the left.
Why use mediation? Mediation is a chance for the parties to engage in a private, confidential communication with each other to attempt to find a middle ground, a compromise to their situation before they have to have their lives discussed in an open courtroom for everyone to hear. If each party can put their emotions aside for a time and listen to the other party with an open mind, they may find a way to avoid the long, drawn out, expensive battle in open court.
How does mediation work? The parties in a divorce or civil lawsuit agree, at a mutually agreed upon time to meet privately and confidentially with an impartial mediator to discuss their disputed issues and try to reach a mutually agreeable compromise. If the parties do not want to be in the same room they can be in separate rooms or even meet at separate times with the mediator going back and forth between them.
Is Mediation only used in divorce? Mediation can be used in civil lawsuits, modification of existing divorce decrees, visitation, support, or parent-child orders, any disagreement that leads to court action should be amenable to mediation if all parties agree to try. Mediation can also be used in just about any business situation, even wage and insurance disputes.
How long does mediation take? An uncontested divorce with no children and minimal property could probably be completed in 1 ½ to 2 hours. A divorce with children, substantial assets, i.e. property, stock or bonds, retirement programs, a business, and significant difference of opinion could take several hours or even days. A civil lawsuit or business dispute could again be just a single issue or many issues to be discussed. There is no way to determine ahead of time how long a mediation will take, but if the mediator determines there is no progress after a reasonable period of time he/she will end the mediation. The parties may want to set a time limit to stop the mediation if there is no progress in a given period of time as another alternative.
Do I have to keep going with the mediation if I feel we are not making progress? No, if you feel the mediation is not working, you should tell the mediator and give him/her a chance to see if there is a way to make it work. If you feel it is still not working for any reason, ask to end the mediation.
What if I feel the mediator is not being impartial? Ask to meet privately with the mediator and tell them what you are feeling and why you feel that way (if you can). If the mediator cannot alleviate the feeling, then the mediation needs to end.
What if I feel intimidated by the other party, their attorney, or even the mediator? Ask to meet privately with the mediator and express your concerns. Mediators are trained to recognize signs of these types of actions during mediation and will put the parties in separate rooms before continuing the mediation.
What do I need to bring to a mediation hearing? Any information concerning the issues to be discussed. Download the forms from this website pertaining to the matter being mediated and gather all the information possible. Include a copy of any temporary orders, pay stubs, insurance information concerning any children, or paperwork supporting your view of what happened to cause the lawsuit in a civil case. The more complete the information, the less time the mediation should require.
Can the mediator testify in court about what was said in the mediation? No, except in very specific and unusual instances of cases in Federal courts. There are three (3) types of matters a mediator is required by law to report if they are discussed in mediation, child abuse, elder abuse, and murder.
Does the mediator keep records or notes or share information about the mediation with any other person or persons? No to both. Once the mediation is over, the only information to come out of the mediation is the mediated agreement or a simple statement showing the mediation was held, but did not reach any agreement (impasse). Any notes are destroyed at the conclusion of the mediation.
Is a “do-it-yourself divorce” possible? Yes and no. In the event of simple uncontested divorce with no children and minimal property it is usually possible (see the “Forms needed to file for Divorce” or "If you have children together and are not married" button), but will require some reading and research on your part. A more complicated situation will probably require legal help from an attorney. If the parties can reach a mediated agreement on their divorce or at least most of the issues, the stress, time, and legal fees should be less than a long, drawn out court battle. The same would be true in a civil lawsuit.
Who pays for the mediation? Normally the cost is divided equally between the parties, but one party may agree to pay all or a larger part to try to settle things between them.
Can my attorney attend the mediation? Yes, or you may take a break from the mediation to talk with your attorney, financial adviser, or anyone who can advise you. The other party has the same rights as you do.
Do I have to sign anything during or after the mediation? Before the mediation can begin, both parties must sign the “Rules for Mediation” form stating they understand the rules. At the end there is a “Mediation Status Report” to sign. This just states the mediation was held and the result. If an agreement has been reached, both parties have the right to have it reviewed by an attorney before signing it. The agreement will not be a legal document until both parties sign it.
Can I get help to prepare for court ordered mediation? Yes, Professional Mediation Services can help you prepare by showing you what to expect in a mediation and offer suggestions based on your particular situation to possibly bring the mediation to a faster agreement.
Why might I need an attorney? You will be held to the same standards an attorney would be in dealing with the courts and filing the required forms. A simple mistake could cost you delays or even get your case thrown out by the court and you would have to start all over again. Look over all the forms required for your situation (“On Line Forms to File for Divorce” button on the left side in the blue area) and decide if you would feel comfortable dealing with them.
What if I don't want a divorce? Most people don't want a divorce, but some times it is the only way they can see to end a situation that has become impossible for them to live with. No one goes into marriage planning on divorce, but people and situations change over time, and what was once a mutually fulfilling relationship is not working for one or both parties. There are many marriage/parenting counselors available to help couples find a way to repair their marriage or determine that divorce is the best solution for all involved. One agency is Catholic Charities of the Lubbock Diocese. The agency does not require you to be a member of the Catholic faith nor will the agency try to convert you to the Catholic faith. Use the button to the left.
If you have been served with divorce papers by your spouse with no warning they were going to do it, with no idea they were so unhappy with the situation, you may have to accept the idea it may be too late to repair the damage. If they have employed an attorney, signed all the papers, and you have been served, you can be fairly certain your spouse has been thinking about this for some time. They have probably accepted the anger and hurt and are preparing to move on with their lives. That doesn't mean you shouldn't make the attempt if you really don't want to end the marriage. Counseling is also available to help you through this transitional period in your life.
Most courts in Texas require parenting classes for divorcing parents (K.I.D.S classes). These classes and others are available at the Family Guidance & Outreach Center. Use the button to the left.
Getting Organized for Divorce
For those of you who are already organized - have your wills in order, life insurance in place, keep to a monthly budget, know the difference between fixed monthly costs and discretionary spending - this information will not be news breaking.
For the rest of you, this can be a very daunting part of the divorce process and one that makes tax time look like fun! Here is a list of some of the paperwork you might want to have available during Mediation:
1. Budgets
Each of you should have one budget for yourself and then one for the children. If you are still living together, create an estimated budget for after the separation. Be sure to include:
A. Health Insurance:
Include cost for both parties after separation. (Once the divorce is final, if one spouse was covered by the other’s Health insurance, they will need a new policy.)
B. Life Insurance:
Make sure that whoever provides the primary support for the family is covered so that there will be funds available in case of emergency.
2. Recent pay stubs.
3. List of Social Security Numbers for parents and children.
4. Income Tax Forms for the last three to five years.
5. Real Estate Holdings & All Mortgage Information
List the last four numbers of the AccountName of Bank holding the MortgageTerms of payments.6. Most Recent Statements from All Accounts (last four digits of the account number ONLY)
CheckingSavingsMoney MarketsStocksBrokerage AccountsCD’sAny other accounts in which you have individual or joint investments. 7. Retirement Accounts
Name of Institution holding account (last four digits of the account number)Terms of Payment - death benefit, annuityAmount in each accountInclude any stock options.8. List of All Assets acquired during the marriage
.
This may not be a list that you agree on. The mediation process is intended to help you work through dividing your assets in an equitable manner. If you both have already divided your assets, you may choose to make the list anyway so that it can be included in your agreement. Think about:
CollectionsCarsJewelryAntiques, etc.9. Wills
What Your Children Want You to Know.
1. Don't Say Bad Things About My Other Parent.
Children really want to know how to stop the "bad-mouthing," especially those kids who have actually asked their parents to stop only to be told "you need to know what kind of person your ____is" or, "it's not bad-mouthing if it's true." The kids want you to know that they "don't care if it's true;" they just "want it to stop" because "hearing bad things about someone I love hurts my heart".
2. Keep Us Out Of Adult Stuff.
Bad mouthing the parent doesn't have to be an outright proclamation. It can be the subtle or not so subtle release of information beyond the child's years of comprehension and/or need to know. There is no educational or emotional value in telling a child, "there will be no ____ because your other parent is behind on child support," or "your ____ left us because they're boinking a co-worker".
3. Don't Make Me Feel Bad For Loving The Other Parent.
One example of this: a child was the only child of three still willing to endure his mothers wrath in order to continue seeing his dad. He braved being called "stupid just like your dad," constant questioning -- "why do you want to be with the person who broke up our family?" -- and having his bags packed by the front door after being told, "if you like him so much, just go live with him." By 14 he had given in, but only after the entire other side of the family sat him down and told him he was being a "traitor to his real family" for continuing to see his dad against his moms wishes and that he had to choose "us or him."
What parents need to understand is that while they may think their actions are only punishing their ex, they are also (and often even more so) punishing their child. Every parent reading this can imagine how sad and deprived their child would be without their special love. Can being deprived of the other parents' love be any less sad? With that knowledge, would you as a parent still do something that makes your child any degree of sad, just to punish your ex?
4. Learn To Get Along For Big Events.
Kids want and deserve to have both parents at their game/play/graduation. You don't have to stand next to each other, but don't "hide the date" from the other parent.
5. Don't Make Me Choose Sides.
They want you to know this is "the worst thing you could ever make a kid to do."
6. No Fighting In Front Of Us.
Seeing or hearing their parents fight is the one situation that makes them so uncomfortable that they have to "get out of there."
7. Don't Make Me A Messenger Or Put Me In The Middle.
Even sending simple messages through your child is a burden. It's not their job to remember to pass the message along, get the message right, get an answer and then deliver the response back to you. They want you to "find a way to communicate."
8. Don't Share Or Take Your Anger Out On Me.
Most children say: "Don't share your anger with me," "shelter me from your anger," "don't take your anger at them out on me," "let me still be a happy kid."
9. Don't Ask Me To Spy.
One example was a young girl actually given a notebook to write her observations in. She knew it was wrong, but wanted to be an obedient daughter.
10. Give Me One-On-One Time With Both Parents.
This and "give me equal time with both parents" would actually be higher on the list if we didn't separate them from their kin. But because there are powers (courts) that may keep this rule from becoming a reality, we often suggest that the kids try to steer away from the "equal" wording. That works about half the time. But not at all when we have one of those rare kids who gets to stay in their home while their parents rotate in and out. Then the request becomes downright insistent: "we stay home, you switch houses every week!".
PARENTING PLAN GUIDE
Because the basic legal guideline regarding custody of children is the child's best interest and since parents know the child better than judges, one of the first tasks is the two parents deciding what important needs of their child should be kept in mind when planning a healthy divorced family environment. A good parenting plan addresses these questions:
1. What are the advantages and disadvantages of each possible parenting plan: (managing conservatorship is
restricted from a parent perpetrating family violence within the 2 years prior to the divorce petition filing).
Joint managing conservatorship, primary residence with father or with motherJoint managing conservatorship, equal time with both parents Split conservatorship, some children with each parentSole managing conservatorship with mother or with father2. What is my preferred conservatorship designation? Reasons for preference?
3. How can the primary residence for the child best be established (county or parent right)?
4. How will the child maximize quality time with each of the parents during:
Weekdays and weekends VacationsSignificant religious and secular holidays Other special eventsBirthdays5. How will illness or parental emergencies or the child's desires affect these scheduled times?
6. How will the child be transported between parental homes and who pays transportation costs?
7. What will be the policy for telephone contact with the "absent" parent?
8. How will parents notify each other of vacation addresses and phone numbers?
9. How will the plan minimize the disruption to the child's school, daily routine, and friends?
10. How will major parenting decisions be made concerning the child's:
Education, i.e., school selection, extra-curricular activities, how both parents get access to information, and parental participation in activities.Routine and emergency health care, i.e., selection of medical, dental, and emotional health care professionals and services, as well as who takes of work for routine medical care.Religious training.11. How will the support needs of the child be taken care of (food, clothing, shelter, education)?
12. What approach will parents use of disagreements about the parenting plan arise in the future, such as using
parenting coordination, collaborative law, mediation, or arbitration before going to trial?13. At what times in the future will the plan need to be reviewed and possibly modified, such as child entering
elementary/junior high/high school, a parent moving, a parent remarrying or cohabiting, or a parent dying?14. How will the remaining legal parental rights be designated:
Manage estate [parent/parent's family who sets up]
Right to services and earnings Receive support payments for child
Consent to marriage, military, and medical treatments
Represent child in legal decisions
15. What other parenting arrangements unique to our situation need to be specified?
The Finances of Divorce
by Deborah Moskovitch, Owner, The Smart Divorce
Posted: 1/19/12 12:00 PM ET
A client came into my office the other day in tears. She was just about to sign papers to purchase her new home, but was now feeling unsure of her decision. My client was in the middle of negotiating her financial agreement and wanted to prepare herself for the fresh start she desired once her divorce became final.
After a few more tears and 30 minutes of talking, she began to understand how the "emotional divorce" could impact "the legal divorce." What this means is that there are two sides of divorce to wade through -- the emotional and the legal. Divorce is upper-case Emotional, and if not managed properly, it can wreak havoc on the legal process and financial outcomes. While it would be really nice if the two elements could be handled one after the other -- you could spend a few years dealing with the emotional issues, and then, heart and head clear, go through the legal process -- but the truth is that emotions and legal processes cannot be clinically separated, and usually have to be managed at the same time.
After more discussion, the reality sunk in. There is no crystal ball as to how this will all end. Although there are guidelines as to how matrimonial assets are to be divided and spousal support is to be determined, there might some underlying issues impacting a settlement you think you should get. While you might have an idea of where you would like to see yourself financially post-divorce, this objective and the final outcome might not necessarily the same.
After significant research and speaking with financial advisors, this is how I counseled my client:
Mistakes To Avoid:
• Don't make any significant investments before your settlement is signed.
• Don't make any significant purchases while negotiating your settlement -- you might end up
being responsible for that purchase, such as jewelry, vacation, clothing and so on.
• Don't make purchases based on projections; you never know how it will turn out.
The decision became clear -- wait, and have a clear-cut understanding of finances before purchasing the home. Now, once that decision was made, there was another hurdle to overcome -- her financial identity. She didn't have one. She had been the financially uninformed spouse, and didn't have a credit rating; she wanted to start building that as she was rebuilding her life.
Where she could, she began to make small changes as she prepared for her divorce settlement. These included:
• Where possible, she put bills in her name and ensured they were paid off in full and on time.
• Applying for her own credit card.
• She got involved in her finances and learned the basics -- what were the monthly expenses.
• Understood where the money was coming from and how it it applied toward her budget. In other
words, what she needed to make it through the month and what might be available for
mortgage or rent.
• She began to take an interest in her investments and so on so that she accurately plan with
financial advisors her next steps.
It was this foresight and understanding that helped her separate the "emotional divorce" from the "legal divorce" and make prudent financial decisions -- and she was prepared to think about her dream home once her separation agreement was finalized.
I DON'T Love Your children!
From the NYC Divorce Mediation - Blog
Posted on January 11, 2012
A few weeks ago I had lunch with a judge from Nassau County whom I respect very much. We were talking about difficult parenting discussions I have had with clients and she stopped me with this story:
“Do you know what I say to couples who turn up in my courtroom? First, I ask them what they are doing in my courtroom. They explain they are there to settle a custody issue. I then ask them, "Do you love your children? Well, then what are you doing here? Because, I don’t love your children. I don’t even know your children and you are putting your children into the hands of a total stranger who doesn’t love them”.
So often if you have locked horns with your spouse you think that there has got to be a fair, impartial, and honest judge who will see the situation from your perspective and choose what you know is best for your kids. After all that is the mandate and mantra of the family court system, to decide “in the best interests of the children”. But as you can see, even terrific judges can’t know your children as well as their parents and while you may think it is obvious what should be decided, it may not appear that way to someone who doesn’t know anything about you, your spouse or your children.
When you decide to go to court keep in mind that you are losing control of your ability to make decisions for your family. No matter what you say, after a judge has ruled, you will be given a court order to follow through with his/her decision and you are bound by that order unless you return to court to appeal the judgement.
Often judges will ask parents if they have tried mediation before deciding on their parenting plans or custody issues because, unless they absolutely have to make those decisions, the judges want the parents to do so. Mediation is sometimes mandated by matrimonial judges, even in cases where all other issues are being litigated, to keep parents in control of all decisions involving their children.
A year ago I worked with a very angry couple who were ordered by a judge to work out a parenting schedule or the judge would “do it for (them) and (they) weren’t going to like it”. When they appeared in my office they were each threatening and accusing the other of unspeakable behavior. The fact that I was neither judge not jury, and wasn’t going to resolve their issues for them finally sunk in and they were left with having to speak to each other and hash out an agreement they could live with. It wasn’t easy, but we did it. Having had discussions about their children and what was best for each of them, they were able to return to court with a parenting plan that they had settled on together.
So no matter how angry you are, or how sure you are that your spouse will lose in court, it is still better to try to settle the parenting issues directly with the other parent rather than risk losing total control by placing the process in the hands of a stranger, who doesn’t love your children, doesn't know you or your spouse, and just might make the wrong decisions.
Providing the professional services you need at affordable prices.
Click on buttons below for information
on this
website
Avoid Costly Court Battles, Relieve Financial and Emotional Distress with
a Mediated Settlement.
Make decisions for the parties that have to be lived with and only try to find a fair and equitable solution as defined by law, thus the court may put forth an idea of “fair and equitable” that will not please either party (and possibly their families).
Will not seek to punish either of the parties unless it is a suit for damages and/or punitive damages.
Cannot turn back the clock and remove the hurt, anger, betrayal, and miscommunication that caused the dispute.
Settling all disputed issues between all parties.
Developing final divorce decrees or parenting orders.
Modifying agreements for:
Child Visitation and/or CustodyProperty divisionChild or Spousal Support Saving time, expense, and result in a more satisfactory resolution than can be obtained from a court unfamiliar with the people (or their families) involved in the case.
Reducing required court time if all or most of the issues can be resolved by the parties.
PLEASE READ:
A mediator is NOT an attorney, CPA, or marriage counselor; does NOT give legal, financial, or counselor advice, only trained guidance to reach a settlement. Employment of an attorney and also a financial expert when a substantial amount of assets are involved, is recommended.
Click on buttons below for
more information
